The Memory of Water


At the start of this week – in case you don’t know,

I was  the recognised star of this show.

Please I really don’t want to cause stress,

But I was the star – or was it that dress?

But that image did slip as performances passed

And words went array – the star slipped down fast.


From day one we had clear direction,

Lines were changed – we got rid of ‘erection’.

‘F’ words were softened we followed a hunch

And what happened to Munch, munch, munch?


Props were required – almost from day one.

Sue’s cigarettes caused hours of fun.

‘Gassed out’ up on stage – using mixed ‘erb,

Cronic coughing though the effect was superb.

That smell of mixed herbs has given me the view

No more Chicken Roasts – from now on it’s stew.

And what about the fires? Yes – more than one.

One up on stage, on the bed – nearly fun!

The other, out of sight, no evidence now…

As Sue lit her ciggie - flames from her eyebrow!


When scripts went down Julie came into her own,

Words practised on stage – much harder than home!

Minds would go blank – faces aghast,

But Julie was there for all of the cast!

Throughout the week she’s been kept rather busy,

Especially by me – I really am dizzy.


Green dresses were made and fittings were done

In the chair room of all places – that was fun!

The results – not taffeta – as in the play,

‘Snake skin effect’ – it did have its day!

Mine – of course – fitted, Billie’s was flat,

But of course ‘she did look ridiculous in that!’


Large props were hefted – more every week,

The staging was heavy we worked up a heat.

A work out indeed for anyone there,

A shame – it often messed up my hair.

Sweat dripping from lugging those big boards about,

And the pins of the legs just kept popping out.


The bed was a story all of its own,

The original one – has gone home alone.

Then along came the second a beast to put up,

The bolts were the problem – never quite match them up,

Fingers were sore but I have to tell you,

The girls were better at the bed time screw!


The set was tremendous – but we did have one fall

Sue was emotional and down fell the wall!

It didn’t put her off – allay those fears,

‘Cos every night she’s produced real tears!


Billie’s script needs a mention how did it survive?

I’m surprised it made it to the end still alive!

Hamsters and dogs had it in their sight,

If you study it hard – it glows in the night!

Does that explain the big change around?

Maybe pages were torn so it changed the sound?

Examples of Spoonerism couldn’t be finer

“An ego the size of Masia Inor”.

Computerised sound – we are striving ahead,

Nothing now manual – look where it lead,

Dress rehearsal all waiting for the sound of the horn,

Instead a phone call and Richard forlorn!


The puff at the window a real curtain call,

Richard B with his board – had to be on the ball.

A real case of wind – he’s full of hot air,

But he takes his job seriously – he really does care.


The coffin brought in by the men dressed in black,

We won’t mention the fact that one fell on his back,

It’s tricky I know it just isn’t fair,

Walking backwards up that little black stair!

And ‘Horace’ as it became affectionally known,

Was placed upon trestles in its bedroom, its home.


The drunk scene was sobering – if you see what I mean!

Karen’s performance – ooh wasn’t she mean,

It’s hard to do well but she got it just right,

Nothing to do with real wine every night!


Nerves are a funny thing – some twitch, some their tummy

That opening night smell – it just wasn’t funny,

But when Sue and Pete got in a tight spot ,

On the bed all embroiled they each shared their snot!



Some bits of the play caused consternation,

Not due to a lack of the groups concentration,

The Repetition Award – can you guess the scene?

The Dressing Up Bit – but it went like a dream.

It was worth it – over and over again,

Until it was right – you got 10 out of 10!


So let’s thank all around for their patience, its right,

The people who were there in the background each night,

People on teas, people on doors,

People who cleared all the chairs and the floors.

David on lights – I looked lovely in green,

Appropriate lighting for every scene.

Richard on sound kept us all alive,

Sounds stored forever on his hard drive.

Ed and Beryl were here again,

Video evidence tells us it’s them.

Stage crew worked hard clearing the set,

But Jenny I’m afraid would something forget ,

A little routine did help - I’m certain,

The order of clearing ‘the towel then the curtain’.


Can Iris be mentioned? Who spent many a night,

Down at the hall sitting just out of sight.

Was she there to get out of the weather?

Or was she there to see it come together?


June and Mags a marvellous team,

You really worked hard – it worked like a dream,

You pulled out the best from all in that hall,

I really do hope that you had a ball.

Not living through horror every night ,

If the cast let you down and didn’t get it right

Mags was new - a Waltham virgin !

But we had no problem letting her in,

So let’s raise a glass – perhaps we oughta’

Let’s say farewell to ‘The Memory of Water’.



Gill Haysham