Girls Night – An Ode


As of this morning not one word was writ

So I had to sit down and capture my wit

There are many celebrations to call to the fore

All those that helped – both front and back door.

(Previously mentioned so don’t have a fit

No room for more - no really - that’s it!

I usually mention all the back stage crew

But this time I am one – so it’s the on-stage crew)


A boy had his birthday so you know what to do

We should really sing “Happy Birthday to You!”


I’ve sat at the front and I don’t want to seem cruel

But I’ve studied and analysed you - one and all.

The chorus were great to sit back and watch

Marea and Nicola on the right of the batch.

During set numbers when they’d join in the dance

You would see them make the occasional back-glance!

Is it right hand or left, is it step to the right?

It was different every night!

Val and Jenny had the ‘repetition art’

Jenny would form her mouth like a fart

“What’s the next word we have to repeat?”

“High” would say Val as she swayed on her feet!


We had in this show the ‘Angel of the South’

It’s different to the other – a much bigger mouth!

(Northern joke!)

Her wings were made with feathers and care

Glue held her together – but they wouldn’t hold air!


And her near miss for which she continually said sorry

When she admitted she fell off the back of a lorry!

She was off to one side – trying hard to fit in

A ghostly appearance with a well-hidden sin,

She guided the story – her secret not nice

Her furtive liaison with a scent of ‘Old Spice’!


The costumes were fitting – from where did they hale?

I know one was dressed from a jumble sale!

Her character crazy! What set it off? Stress?

Maybe that’s why she chose such a crazy dress?

Her song was put over with heart - what a treat

She hit some of the notes and kept to the beat!

But her rendition was hearty – she just didn’t care!

Thank goodness Simon Cowell wasn’t there!


Jenny – a singer – sang with gusto and tune!

It was lovely to sit and watch her croon!

Her character dour – she was, oh so, downbeat

As she staggered – drunk – with wobbly feet!

Only 32A? – A sight to behold

I’m really not sure the audience was sold!

And really we need to clear up all the fuss

She does not look like the back end of a bus!


Kim with her neck-tie and ruby red lips

Made no mistakes with her lines – no slips

She was posh and a snob and a desperate flirt

But all that was based in the fact she was hurt

Her character said the most risqué of lines

The Volvo estate made me laugh many times.


Jackie played Carol – the big party girl

What slants can I throw? What insults to hurl?

Well actually – praise – you played it so well

Everyone wanted to be you – you were swell!

Your outfit – befitting – in more ways than one!

And when you were on stage the party’d begun!


Kathy and Karen – it was tight to the line

But it all came together – you did it just fine!

At the end you were sat at the back of the hall

‘Wray-ving’ and ‘jigging’ and loving it all

This was truly, a real girly fest

You worked with everyone to bring out their best!!


This play is a lesson – the message spelt out

It shouldn’t leave you in any doubt –

That friendship is lasting and you got it just right

So join me to say farewell to this play – ‘Girls Night’!


Quiz – Guess the next line… (rule: actual speaker not allowed to offer)


1.      My mum says I was probably kissed by an angel that night. (Don’t look at me!)

2.    Geoff says breasts are the sign of a woman. (What’s his willy then - the tie pin of a man?)

3.    How do you mean she put it in wrong? (Cardboard, wrapper the lot – I haven’t told her yet that’s why she’s walking so funny!)

4.    I was thinking today. If you could grant Candy Rose a wish for her marriage what would it be? (That she’ll be satisfied!)

5.    He can think what he likes! (He cant think – technically speaking he’s brain dead. Every last drop of oxygenated blood is now in his dick!)

6.    Sharon shagged Steve! (Shit!)

7.    He said he was a lecturer. (You heard him wrong! Do you want some lippy?)

8.    You know the problem with you mortals? You pay too much attention to the picky little details… (You need a bit more of an overview…)